I was now used to the new place at my in-laws. I had taken over the kitchen and there was not much to do, as we were just two people in home. I was told by my husband that, my in-laws would arrive after a month. I guessed they did not want to interrupt the privacy of their son, who was newly married. My husband, Deepak too was on leave for another month. I doubted whether he worked, or was jobless. I was a bit worried as well. He assured me, that he would join from next month and he earned enough for both of us, to live happily. He was having good time with me and I too loved the company, after so long. I had grown lonely, since I left my home. I had started realising how important it’s in life, to have a company. A soul mate, who would care for you and you can look forward to him. At times, I gossiped with him for long and he would just nod in between. Though those gossips would not be of my real taste, but it would make me feel nice and I was contended that I am important to someone at least. He even didn’t mind my bossiness and would calm me, whenever I got angry on him over little things. Which was mainly over his untidiness and laziness. He hardly had anything to do at home, as I did all the house chores and he was very pleased with it. I was, in fact, used to manage home from Uncle’s place.
I was happy anyway, as I had freedom here and I was sick of Aunty’s high-handedness and scolding.My husband Deepak is her distant relative, so she would often call him and enquire about me. I avoided talking to her, as I was upset with her. Deepak had nothing to do at home. He spent his time socialising with his friends and neighbours. When at home, he would be around me. He would follow me everywhere and try to be cosy with me all the time. He would find excuses to hold me and take me to bedroom. He wouldn’t let me leave bed, until late morning. In bed, he was very romantic. I was surprised, how a man in 40’s could be so romantic, that too when he had been married earlier. He was very passionate in love making and filled with excitement. I found him aroused every time I was with him, and he often praised my beauty. I would feel nice about it and feel happy for him. Maybe, I was succeeding in my role as a wife. We had sex frequently, and only after having sex, he would let me free and sleep. His attraction to me seemed to increase with every passing day. He had even started demanding love making at odd hours and at times, would carry me to bed from kitchen in middle of cooking. It becomes annoying at times, but I would relent after some initial resistance. I wondered if it continues for the whole time or would stop after sometime. Maybe, the privacy at home was making him horny all the time. When my in-laws will be back, it will decrease, I guessed. In fact, I wished they arrive soon. To stop him, I would tease him often of his age.
You are an old man, you should not be so horny, you should control yourself; I used to say.
He would be unmindful and say that; I have controlled myself for many years now, let me not waste anymore before its too late.
I always ensured, that he be happy with me and gave him the pleasure he needed from me, but I was not very comfortable with the act. Despite being penetrated over three dozen times in past one month, I wasn’t at ease. I felt humiliated and helpless. I wondered, that if I got my surgery someday and will I ever feel normal like every other girl. I struggled with him every time, when he forced himself upon me, but physically I was no match to him, so I surrender and he would be smile at his victory.
My skin has become soft and sensitive, I have started noticing that, his firm grip would pinch like anything. Even the rub of his hairy body would discomfort me. For him, I was no less than a princess. He would always praise my beauty and find every excuse to remain glued to me. He would show me off to his friends, who would come visiting often. They too would admire my beauty. My husband would sit adjacent to me, encircling his arms around me, to show off his prized wife. His friends would be jealous of him. He would make me wear saree whenever his friends came to our home, and instruct me to be covered in front of them. I wondered if he was so mindful of his friends ogling at me, then why he called them home?
I hated wearing saree. It takes me time to put them properly and doing house chores in saree is a great distraction. Further, all my blouses have become tight fitted, and I felt suffocated in them. Zipping their hooks was another problem, for which I had to take his help. To unbutton those hooks, I have to plead him several times. He would oblige only after I promise him love making that night. Getting dressed in saree also requires wearing matching earrings bangles and ornaments, which are burden to carry. The lipstick, eye shadow and other make-up takes my time.
Now I understood why ladies at my home back, took so much time getting ready. You have to take care of yourself and look your best, particularly when, people come to meet the newly wed. The easiest part is my hair. It doesn’t take much time. My hair being just below my shoulders doesn’t need to be plaited, so I just part them in between and put hairpins. My hairs are silky thick and straight. They don’t get entangled, even after complete day and hence need the least attention. I sometimes puff them and put hairpins in different styles, which are always praised by ladies and also by my husband. He has confessed many times, that my hairs turns him on. I too think my hairs are perfect as a girl.
Deepak likes bright colors, so he always insists on wearing pink, orange or red sarees. In fact, all the sarees which I got as gift from my in-law side are brighter ones. It is not of my taste, but I wear them, to keep him happy. In market, I stand out of the crowd in them and can see every person ogling at me. I always argue him, why I cannot wear salwar kameez or jeans-top to the market, but he doesn’t listen. Except for the honeymoon trip, I have never worn jeans and top here. He says I look very young in them and he won’t feel comfortable with me in them. Its true, I look at least 5-7 years older in sarees. He wants me to put on some more weight, so that I may look little older and compatible to him. I have always been conscious of my figure, even after my transformation, and I don’t like plumb ladies. I have athletic figure, which I am contended with, no matter it is of female now.
My old dreams of becoming a sportsperson has faded with time, but I cherish to be a working woman someday. Maybe, I become a successful person as female and gain my financial and social freedom. Here I was trapped in house-making and had no skill other than this. Sometimes, I get upset thinking I have just become a sex toy in hands of my husband and I will have to spend my whole life being dependent on him. The only solace was that, he was behaving like a nice man until now and listened to me.
It was my only hope, that I will be able to convince him to let me work. My family was against my plans. My mother thought I would not be safe as a girl outside and would not listen to my arguments. She thought I was too innocent to face the cruel world and would be safe under guardianship of my husband. So did my father and he would promise to help my husband financially to look after me. My mother would guide me to be the dutiful wife and abide by my husband. She considered Deepak a nice person with golden heart and praised him all the time. My husband too would comfort her with sweet words and all assurances towards me. He would make her believe that, his only priority was my happiness. So my parents would always be thankful to him and to aunty, who was the one found him for me.
Even after three months from the wedding, my husband has not started working, he was receiving grant from my father every month for our living. I doubted he was not interested in working anymore. His only job was to socialise with friends, gossip with neighbours and make love to me. He was having time of his life and I had to do all house chores. Slowly, I had to do groceries and other outside works. I never complained him, as I got to go out, which I liked very much. The only grudge was that, I had to wear saree. He would scold me, if I go out otherwise. I got warm reception from people outside and everybody would call me bhabhiji, which was odd initially, but I am now used to it. I felt it was easy being a girl. Everybody was so polite and helping it seemed. As a boy, the world was not that hospitable I knew. The shopkeepers and bus conductors would give priority to me, by ensuring my comfort. The bus drivers would drop me at my convenience, on just a single request. I remember how rude they were when I was a boy. This was the positive side of being a girl. But being girl, I had to always be conscious of myself as everybody would be looking at me. Most would stare at my breasts or my face, which was annoying at times. At crowded places, I learnt few harsh lessons. Many people just would rub against my body, which I couldn’t help. So I had to be careful. Some even passed comments, which I could do nothing but ignore. I sometimes got angry, but controlled myself. I never finished my work in a single visit, as it gave me excuse to go out every day. I liked going out and enjoying the little freedom I had. The markets were crowded and filthy in my neighbourhood, and thus, soon my desire to explore the upmarket became stronger. I stealthily went to malls and other places, without informing my husband.
He grew lazy, day by day and spend most of his time indoors. The only time he would not feel lazy, was during sex. His lust seemed no bound. He was been ready for it, all the time. I was not enjoying it anymore, and his idleness was bothering me. Will he remain at home for ever? Is this the right life my parents have chosen for me? I could take care of myself better than this. Anger and sadness overwhelmed me sometimes. I would anyhow control my anger and think, at least I have a place to live if he desert me where I will go? My parents would not take me home, and instead, they would put all the blame on me. So I kept on doing my wifely duties without complaining. I wished to have some private so that I could plan for my future. He would not let me free for a minute. Every free minute for him was romance time.
The monotonous life of mine got a break and my parents announced that they would be visiting us. I was happy to meet them. Simultaneously, I was nervous to face them for first time after marriage. Although I have faced them at uncle’s place, but that was different. I was the host now and they are the guest. I had to welcome them as the daughter and they wanted to see, whether I had settled in my role or not. There was another problem as well. My husband had started calling me ‘sweety’ lately, which I didn’t like at all. It would be a huge embarrassment, if he calls me by it in front of my parents.
Please don’t call me sweety from now onwards, I have a name and its Shruti; I requested him.
But, I like calling you ‘sweety’; he said, and started hugging me.
But, please don’t call me by this name in front of my parents; I said, and he relented.
OK darling, as you wish. I have to be a good son-in-law too, but you should not deprive me of my daily dose of love in their presence. Come at once in bedroom when I call you.
I was relieved and said; OK fine, but not all the time. We need to take break. What they will think?
We are newly married and they won’t mind. They too would have enjoyed when they were young; he said.
Don’t count yourself young. You are no more young; I said.
He became annoyed and caught hold of me; If I am old Why did you marry me?
That was a mistake; I said laughingly.
So now you pay the price. I will let you know tonight how young still I am. ” He started kissing me vigorously in the kitchen itself. I was helplessly pleading him that I wont tease him again.