Doorbell rang early 6:00 am. It was my parents at the door. We were still sleeping and I rushed out of bed in panic. I had planned to get up early and prepare myself, but alarm didn’t go off. Bell rang one more time. I had no time to change my nighty. My husband was in deep sleep. I shook him up. At first he was reluctant to get up but soon he came to senses. He started rushing to open the door in his naked in his shorts. I stopped him, helped him slip his t-shirt and sent him. I was relieved a bit. I was getting tensed and nervous to face them. I was not sure what should I wear in front of them. I pulled my sky blue salwar kameez with full sleeve, as I have faced them in salwar kameez most of the time at uncle’s place. I placed dupatta at place to hide my grown up breasts. Quickly tied my open hair at back of head to a bun. There was happiness inside to meet my parents after so long, but I was more than shying from them. Particularly form my father, because I thought he would be feeling ashamed of me. I might be a disgrace for him. After all, any father would think so, when his son is no more a son but a girl now. But I have never seen him angry with me after my transition. So I too wished not to make him unhappy and accepted all that he chose for me. Soon I was in front of them and after greeting, took a seat opposite to them. I kept my eyes down, neither looking at them or at my Husband. My father was talking to Deepak and in between would glance at me. Seeing me uncomfortable my mother came and sat beside me. She then put her arm around me in affection. I felt nice. She had loved me most since childhood and cared for me. Everyone was quiet for a while and then Deepak interrupted.
Shruti let’s make tea for papa; he said.
You two carry on I will help her in kitchen; my mother replied for me, and we left to the kitchen.
Are you happy here? She asked, and I nodded my head in yes.
She then started making tea while I stood there. She never let me do anything at home and taking that for granted, I let her do the chores. My memories of childhood became fresh and felt I became the same carefree person again. I was spoilt child of my family whom everyone would pamper and serve. All younger kids would be afraid of me and would obey me. I was digging in my past memories standing motionless and circling edge of my dupatta around my pointing finger.
Shruti, take this tray and serve them tea; mother said.
I meekly obeyed and served them. Soon I became comfortable with my mother and she took full charge of the kitchen. She asked me to go, as she would manage herself. I came to my room feeling relieved. Deepak too was there. To my surprise, he didn’t react as usual. Instead, he kept laying without paying me attention. He was well behaving, I guessed. It was good for me. We kept quiet for a while laying on two sides of the bed.
Don’t cook lunch for me and papa, we are going out and will return by evening; he said.
Where? I asked.
Papa will take me to one of his friend, who will offer me a better job. We will leave by 10 am; he replied.
Okay; I said, and became relieved.
They left at 10 am and now I was left alone with my mother. She had finished with the kitchen, and in meantime, I had cleaned the house and bathed. By noon, we were free and gossiping. We weren’t talking freely though. She sensed that and kept soothing me and acting as I was a girl since birth. She complimented my earrings, hair, clothes etc. I didn’t react. She was trying hard to make me comfortable. She asked for my honeymoon album. I said no. She started making my hair and massaging my head. I felt very nice as it was after so long I was getting pampered. She braided my hair, and I became surprised to see her make French braid. I haven’t seen her making it before. I asked her about it, and she smiled.
I had no daughter, so you didn’t see, now I have one and I am making one; she replied. This brought a faint smile on my face. I hugged her, and she hugged me back.
Beta, to be happy in life, we should face reality and accept our fate. You have to settle your life yourself. You are my good child and I know you will; she said, and continued. Your father is trying to get your husband a good job. Hopefully he will get one.
I could have found a job for myself and would have been independent and happy; I said. Why did you marry me so early? I asked her.
Beta, you don’t understand how worried we are for you. Living life as a single girl is not safe in this society. You need support. You would not have got support back at home. Deepak is matured person. He understands responsibility. He will keep you happy and you will be safe here. Why do you worry about money? Your father is there. He will arrange everything for you two; she replied.
I found no use arguing her, but I was determined to make my life independent. I could not imagine spending whole life confined in a home. The problem was, I had no degree and finding a good job without it would be difficult. I could get a personal secretary or receptionist job in a small office though. Anyway it was something to start with. I may impress my superior with my talent and can get promoted. These thoughts I keep recall every now and then. I am beautiful to qualify for front desk role. I guess, I just need some makeover to look chick and getting used to western outfits. I have seen those seductive receptionists in offices and hotels wearing bold make-up and exposing cleavage. I may not be allowed to dress like that, even if I get a job, I thought.
What you generally do in free time? My mother interrupted.
Nothing; I replied.
Why don’t you learn to cook? You will spend your time and feel better; she said, but I didn’t reply.
Does your husband give you time? Does he behave with you properly? She asked, and I nodded in affirmation.
You have become thin. You should eat more. You will look better; she said.
Mummy, I don’t want to become fat like you. I won’t get a job then. I am planning to apply for a receptionist job soon. You buy me some good clothes, so that I can go for interview. I was waiting for you to come; I told her.
Beta, don’t do that job. I suggest you that. Don’t you see how people look at them. You are innocent, you will get in trouble. They make them wear small dresses. Its not good job; she replied.
I haven’t completed my studies, so how I will get a good job? I will have to start somewhere; I replied.
Have you asked your husband? She asked me.
No; I said.
Talk to him first; she told me.
I don’t need anyone’s permission. He is dumb; I said. I was full of anger with teary eyes.
Okay, I will talk about it with your father; she relented, and to divert my attention, she changed the subject.
Let me paint your nails and change your bangles. A newly wed should take care of this. In evening we will go to market to purchase you some clothes; she said.
She manicured my nails and painted it red. Put enough vermilion on my parted forehead. I wondered why red was so revered for a married woman. It looks hot, but why should a woman look so bold in public? Doesn’t it gets impression to the others, that this woman been just been licensed to some man, who is fucking her day and night? When people stare at me, I get embarrassed with these thoughts. It was a true fact, which experienced by me. I can’t count how many times I have been fucked in just three months. Moreover, the more red hot you look at home, more you will be fucked by your husband Of late, I was thinking like a feminist and thought of voicing against this tradition. Women have their own set of problems. I will have to face many of them in this life, I was certain. For my betterment, I would have to start coping with them and learn to struggle my way out. I was determined to start working no matter what the conditions are and get back my freedom. I got ready adjusting my dupatta and went to market with my mother. I took her straight to the upmarket, as I wanted to purchase some western clothes. She was unaware or my plan. I took her to a mall and we entered a fashion retail. She wanted to visit the traditional section, but I pulled her other way. She could not resist and I purchased some tops, a pair of jeans and a set of women office suit. I would wear them for interview, I planned. I also purchased make-up items and perfume. I was very happy and excited when we returned home. My husband and father were already back and were relaxing themselves on sofa. From the appearance, it looked they were happy over getting the job. I was relaxed, as I would have time to explain them of my shopping or would just hide my shopping from them. So I initiated the conversation very friendly and before they could notice the handbags, I swiftly hid them in my cupboard. My husband’s full attention was on my French braid. He was bowled over by my new look. My father too gave me a strange look, as if he was seeing some unknown person. At night, I lay beside my husband enquiring about the day’s outcome.
I have got a job as a store manager at a factory. I will go to work from tomorrow onwards; he said. I was delighted. Now I could plan for myself. I will have plenty of time.
Darling, wont you miss me? I will no more be available for you all day. We can only spend time together at night; he said.
Yes, but you need to work make a living; I replied. He started fondling me and kissing me.
You look hot in this hairstyle. Why didn’t you do it earlier? He murmured.
Mummy did it. I don’t know to make it; I said.
Mummy knows my taste it seems. She cares for me; he said.
She cares for you, since she does not know the devil in you. When she gets to know that you are sexual pervert, she would stop caring; I replied with a smile.
Okay, since you have labelled me such, then let me act as one. Anyway I have missed my morning dose of romance today; he said.
He started kissing me violently. My bangles were making noise in the silent environment of night, which must be reaching to my parents. I was trying to keep the noise low. I was relaxed mentally for things progressing positively in my life, so I was also enjoying his company again. Soon we were naked and embracing each other. He seemed happy at my participation in the act after many days. I slept through the night in his arms. There was a new joy in me.
Like the previous day, today we awoke at the knock of the door, but this time it was at the door of the bedroom. It was seven in the morning, too late for us. We both were panicked and looking at each other face. Door knocked again and I had to respond.
Mummy I am coming; I said.
My undergarments and clothes were scattered all over the place. Deepak soon rushed to the bathroom and It was my turn today to handle the situation. I quickly gathered my clothes, put on the nighty and arranging my hair I opened the door. They were worried that, Deepak might get late for office on his very first day itself. I joined the chore, to make him ready for the office. While mummy took charge of the kitchen, I shuttled between bedroom and kitchen readying his stuffs. I found my father turning his head towards me every time I moved past him. Maybe, he had seen me first time in nighty. It was bit too frilly and silky. I sensed my mistake, but I had no time to change it. My nails painted deep red and loose hair was adding to my sex appeal. To add to that Deepak called me, ‘Sweety’. He was asking for his shirt. I was totally embarrassed. I rushed to bedroom and gave him stern look. He sensed his mistake and said sorry. But the damage was already done. I felt I would not meet my eyes with my father anymore, at least for few days. We anyhow made it on time and Deepak left for office on time.
Now my mother started her lessons for me. She started instructing me on how to handle morning rush. Preparations I was supposed to make in advance, to make him leave for office on time. She was loud enough to reach me in bedroom and of course to my father on the sofa in living room. I wished she could give me those lessons in person and maybe later in the day ,when only two of us would be at home. I kept nodding, so that she finishes soon. I was busy arranging the bedroom and bathroom which was left in a mess by Deepak. I picked all his clothes to the washing machine and hanged the wet towel outside. I noticed my parents smiling at me and complimenting my work.
See how well she does her work. You were bothered about her all the time. She has learnt nicely; my mother told my father. He did not reply, but simply smiled back. My eyes met him and I too smiled back before shying away. My mother came behind me to bedroom.
Your father says that you have become a good caring girl. He can look forward to you to take care of him when he gets old; she said. I just smiled back at her.
Today, we will go to aunty’s home, it’s been long; she announced. Initially, I was reluctant, but later relented. She combed my hair and made pony. She wanted me to wear saree, but I refused. I wished to wear jeans top to visit her and show off my independence to her. I still hated her for being so bossy. But my mother would not let me. Finally, we agreed on a purple salwar kameez with net sleeves. I tried to look my modern best to tease her. I had matching accessories to complete my dress. A matching earring and sandals. My clutch purse was matching too and looked expensive. My mother handed me a gold chain with diamond pendant.
Why have you bought so expensive chain for me. I don’t need them; I told her.
We are coming to your home for the first time, so we brought it. Nobody goes to their daughter’s home empty handed; she replied.
I felt happy as well as sad. Sad at the fact that, they were regarding me as outsider by being formal with me and bringing gift for me. She put the chain around my neck. It was adding to my beauty and I liked it. I soon put a light layer of purple lipstick, when she went out to fetch something. I did not want her to notice me doing make-up. I also put little perfume on my dress. I just wanted aunty to be jealous and not feel pity for me. My diamond ring too adore my painted finger.
When we reached aunty’s place, she greeted me with her plastic smile. I could notice how she was amazed after seeing me. I guessed right, she would not have thought of finding me looking so good and affluent. I greeted her too with another wide plastic smile.
You are so beautiful. You have carried yourself so nicely. Your dress is so beautiful. Deepak must have bought it for you; she kept praising me.
No aunty, I myself have purchased it. He has such poor sense of dressing. I have to buy his clothes as well. I keep visiting market and malls; I replied.
I wanted her to acknowledge my freedom and realise how unhappy I was, when she confined me to her house against my wishes. My mother ankled me, gesturing not to speak ill about my Husband. Later in the day I had to help aunty cook food. We together had lunch and it reminded me of my old days. The house looked untidy, particularly uncle’s room. He was very pleased to see me, but was very formal in front of my parents. But his eyes were stealthily on me all the time.
In the evening, my father went for a walk and mom and aunt went to her neighbour to gossip. I was left alone with uncle in the house. He was very happy to see me after so long. We smiled at each other across the sofa table. I had a mission now, to impress him and get him convince my parents for my job. I moved to the other side, closer to him, and seducing him.
Seems that you have forgotten me; pulling his cheeks, I said.
It was you who left me for that man; he pulled me towards his lap at once, and replied.
Do I look beautiful? I asked him.
Much more; he replied.
Why didn’t you call me? I asked him.
I thought, you are happy with your husband. You are no more interested in me; he said.
How can I forget you. After all, old is gold and you are so nice; I flirted.
My only hope lay on him. I knew he only could take me out of this life. Soon, he was holding me tightly. My magic was working. I had put on nice perfume, which was seducing him since he entered the house. His hands were soon on my breasts, as if measuring the amount of growth. I kept gazing at him smilingly. He knew he had no time as someone would come home very soon. I just wanted that. So that, his lust remain intact and I have chance to meet him again and again. Soon bell rang and it was over. Aunty had surprisingly returned. We were back to our seat. We soon headed for our home, as it was time for my husband to return and my mother did not want to get late for her son-in-law.
At night, I greeted my husband smilingly for completing his first day in office. He was tensed early, but soon got back to his favourite act. Soon he was fondling and kissing me. It was routine as usual.
Months passed after my parents had departed, and we settled to our new routine. My husband would get ready for office every morning and I do the needful of a good house wife. I cook for him and pack his lunch. He was busy with his job routine and had hardly any time for other things. Spending whole day alone at home was not easy task for me. I was used to his company earlier at least. There was no real progress of my job and uncle’s help was also not coming. I was sad and depressed. My interaction with my husband was also limited to the bed. My mother would call me and remind me of my wifely duties. I also agreed to her view. At least this was the job with me for now. I would try being romantic to him and try lessen his work stress. He was not doing very well at work but he would keep trying. This made me feel sympathetic for him and I started caring for him more than ever. At least, he was trying to earn a living for himself and his wife. We would now save something for our future. Our sex life was as routine. I no more teased him and would often initiate the act for him. He was enjoying it more than ever. We had limited conversation now due to his busy schedule and all of it would be on bed at night.
On weekends we would go for films and shopping. I would make him buy dresses for me and makeup items. The urge to look beautiful was growing inside me with every passing day. I would often compare myself with gorgeous women I saw outside. I was also getting compliments every now and then for my sense of dressing and beauty. I easily could mingle with ladies and chat with them on all topics for hours. I was enjoying my new found self. Most of the men I met outside were very nice to me. They would always be helpful and caring. Sometimes i was also a victim of teasing by bad boys. Initially, I didn’t mind those as I was engrossed in my own sorrows but now I saw it as a menace. It was better I keep ignoring them but don’t know why there was fear in my heart of any untoward incident whenever I walked a lonely road with rowdy guys around. I always felt safe going out with my husband. Life was going normally otherwise.
One afternoon I got a call from my mother. She was very tense. She said my brother was not well but she didn’t tell me what has happened to him. I kept insisting on her as I too was afraid.
Everything is finished now. We don’t have hopes now; she said.
I was more worried now. What has happened to him I wanted to know. After much consoling, she broke and said that he was also developing problems like me. His body was also changing like me. Doctors have again been helpless. It was from last month but my parents didn’t want to bother me with it. Now they had no choice. It was a very hard time for my family and everyone back home was in grief.
Till now we have kept him at home but it will not be good for him to be here. He too needs to go out else he will come in depressed; she said.
His body changes are much faster than yours. His voice is too feminine to hide now. His features do not hide anymore even in the loose shirt he wears. We don’t have an option; she added and started crying.
I kept consoling her. My parents had decided now to keep him too at uncle’s place like I did. Suddenly my past experience was filled in my mind. I at once rejected the proposal.
No, he will live with me. I don’t want him to suffer there; I said.
But how nice they were to you? They were puzzled. Now I was dumb found as how could I narrate those incidents to them. How do I say them what Uncle did to me and how aunt behaved.
I know how to take care of my sister, sorry brother. Bring him to me I will handle; I just insisted.
They said they will ask my brother whom he would like to live with. I wished he chose me over them. I did not want him to suffer like I did. I was very tensed after it. A sense of protective sister has emerged in me. I have never been so worried about him. I wished I could go home and bring her outright in my custody. I would be the best person to take care of her. When he was child and I am boy I would always protect him. Outside of home he was my responsibility but we quarrelled a lot at home. We had very happy childhood. At night I shared the news with my husband. He was sympathetic and wished quick recovery. I shared my wish to keep my brother with me which he too supported. It somewhat lightened my worries. I gave him a warm hug and dug my face in his chest. My love for him was growing like never before.
Next day my parents arrived along with my brother. I saw a thin young girl standing next to my parents at the door. I could not recognise him instantly. He was changed a lot. The changes were very quick like it was in my case. I greeted her and he was looking towards the floor. I knew instantly what hell he was going through. I had experienced it too. So I moved forward hugged him and holding his hand brought him inside the house. He was wearing a jeans and a t-shirt. They were female clothes. I guessed my youngest aunty would have lent him. Soon my husband joined us and they greeted each other. My brother’s nails were painted. His skin had glow and softness of a girl due to fat deposit under skin. His hair was short and bob. Maybe someone at home tried to give it girly look.
She seemed tired but was uncomfortable in our presence. I held her hand and took her to her room which I had already prepared for her. I was trying to be as friendly as possible to her. I hugged her again and now she was in tears. There were just two of us in the room. It was for the first time after my transitioning that we were so close. She hugged my tightly and started sobbing. I could relive the pain and trauma she must have been going through. I kept consoling her that soon things will become OK. My only concern was to make her comfortable here. She would learn to cope with things with passage of time. I made her sit on the bed and started briefing about the house, her cupboard and the room. I started probing her body changes so as to decide which clothe male or female would be appropriate for her. The changes were more prominent and I could guess it would have started well over a year ago. She may be comfortable in t-shirt, but jeans may not be comfortable at home. So maybe she needed skirt with t-shirt, but that would be more feminine.
Undecided, I took help from mother and she chose a cotton salwar kameez, and silently handed over to her. She went to the bathroom. I had never seen him so docile. He had always been a brat. I felt pity for him. He will have to lead a captive life like me from now onwards. Maybe she learns it quickly following me. I was determined to make her life easy and happy. Earlier as an elder brother it was my duty to look after him but now my responsibility as elder sister was far more. From the moment I heard of her condition I was affectionately attached to her and kept thinking about her. I hoped I will prove to be a loving sister to my newly found sister. When I transitioned to a girl we distanced each other but fate has once again brought us together and our bonding would become stronger than ever.
My thoughts were broken by sound of the bathroom door. She was dressed in the cotton salwar kameez. Yellow colour was looking beautiful on her. She was arranging her mangled wet hair with her hands. I understood she needed a comb and so I silently motioned her to sit on bed and started combing her hair. Her hair had curls which might have been styled by someone in family. She had thick hair like me but fuller than me. She kept her eyes on the floor sitting motionlessly letting me do her hair. I dried her hair and after combing put two pins on each side to keep it in place. She did not need hair bands. She was a bit annoyed with the butterfly pins I guessed. She was constantly observing me. She had seen me after long and I was changed a lot physically since then. My hair was now long. My boobs were grown and more prominent like any other lady of my age. Hips were wider. I noticed she was noticing my walk which to her may be strange as she had not seen me so close after my transition. We occasionally glanced each other and smiled back.
My parents soon departed after handing over my sister’s charge to me. They thought we both would not be comfortable together in their presence so they would stay at uncle’s house and visit us daily for few days. I too needed the privacy with my sister so that she start confiding me. I was confident she would love my company. We will have the whole day together at home and I will have to try make her comfortable.
It was time to help my husband get ready for office and I was rushing in and out of kitchen. He was dependent on me too calling me every now and then. Finally, he got ready and before leaving was hugging me in bedroom. We were kissing as usual and my eyes went towards kitchen where my sister was standing facing towards us. She instantly turned aside but we had met eyes by then. She too went inside her room after fetching water. My husband having his back towards her was unaware of her presence and kept hugging me hard.
Soon he left and just both of us sisters were left in house. I was now shy to face her but after all we were husband and wife and it was normal for us and sooner or later she would also not mind it. So I reached out to her with a smile. She too responded back. We soon were gossiping with each other. I had to catch up all the news of back home from her. She was narrating those events very nicely to me and opening up about her feelings and how sad she was about herself. I consoled her and asked her to be brave and accept her fate as I have done. She nodded like a good girl. She was more submissive than me. I brought her to my bedroom so that we could chat while I complete the chores. I lighted myself of my bangles and chain which I had put on before my parents arrival. She was noticing me all the while. I restarted the conversation.
Suruchi, do you like makeup? Have you tried ever? I asked, and she nodded in ‘no’.
I will teach you. You will love doing it; I said.
I painted her nails in maroon. I changed her ear rings and lent her my gold rings which were dangling elegantly and suited her face. I was enjoying my day with my sister and loving experimenting on her looks. In few hours we had bonded so well that it felt we were together for years. After all we were together for years except that our roles are changed now. From being the dominant sibling to caring sister to my younger sister. I had never imagined our fate would unite us again. I wished her to be carefree and lead happy life. I would protect her from all hardship and evil. I was immersed in my thoughts when she interrupted.
If you need me to help you, you can ask me. Mother has asked me to help you with your chores; she said. I looked at her sad face and smiled back.
No thank you; I said by pinching her nose which she did not like.
I used to do it hard on him when we were at home but now I was soft. She offered to comb my untidy hair. I relented happily. I was amazed to find her skilled at styling hair. She soon made French braid so neatly only my mother could have. I hugged her in excitement. I too tried French braid on her which was not that perfect due to her shorter hair but we both looked more like real sister thanks to the braid.
In afternoon, after I finished my work, we were to go to Uncle’s house to join my parents. I dressed myself in blue saree with sleeveless matching blouse bangles, ear rings necklace and nose pin. My sister watched me and I glanced back smiling at her.
Don’t worry you too will start liking it soon. Girls should look beautiful then only people appreciate them; I said, but she kept quiet.
I wanted to tease her so I continued. Boys outside will ogle at you. You will love attention. Soon you will have many boyfriends. You are so beautiful after all.
Her face was red by now and she was tensed. I quickly smiled back for her to realise I was joking. I did her makeup too as she was visiting aunty for first time and I wished she looks good.
She was now settled at our home. Life was running fine. She was learning her trade fast and had started helping me. Her vital stats had improved too and she was turning out gorgeous. Many beautiful girls would envy her. I had arranged for computer classes for her at a nearby centre and she was happy attending it.
©Shruti Sharma