My name is Shruti. I live in Delhi. I am going to tell you my story. I was born in a middle class family. My father is a businessman in a small town. I was born a boy, a normal boy. I had good childhood as boy. I liked being myself and loved sports. I used to play lots of cricket, and occasionally football. I was average in studies. When I became of 14-15 years, I started feeling different. I was not growing like others. I had thin frame, but soft skin. My body hairs was also very fine. It was not like other boys of my age. I walked little different, but my mind was of a boy of the age. I liked hanging with boys and looking at girls, but I was shy from nature and soft spoken. Never took fight with anyone. I was disturbed by my appearance at times, but I tried to look my masculine best. A year passed, few of my friends started getting moustache, and their voice were already matured. And I could not see such changes in me. Besides, my chest was slowly developing. I tried to hide it, even from my family members. Few friends used to comment by now. “Are you girl? What you do to keep yourself girly?” I used to get ashamed then. Some bully friends even tried to be physical in mischief, which I didn’t like. My bottom too was growing effeminate way. Now occasionally, my family members too started noticing. I have a younger brother, smaller by 3 years, who was by now stronger and masculine than me. One of my aunt one day taunted to my mother, whether I was a girl. She too grew suspicious after that, and started noticing me often. I was trying best to hide my features, but now I was unable to. Slowly my father too became worried.
So he decided to visit a doctor in the nearby city. I was diagnosed with a rare problem. Male hormones were ineffective on my body, and with little female hormone my body was producing, I was slowly getting feminine. Although, I was a male in every other respect. Still, he further prescribed male hormones. I prayed a lot, and was sad from that day. I wished those hormones work on me, and I be my male self soon. At home I was not allowed to go out until I recovered. It was a small town, and it would bring disrepute to family, if others get to know. Things were getting worse instead of betterment. In two months of indoor stay I became more effeminate. My voice also now turned girly.
We kept visiting the doctor, but was of no help. My parents were very upset. They were doubly upset at both my fate and social fear. My father one day decided to keep me in city instead of town, so that I could gain some freedom, and there no one will recognise. By now the immediate members of my extended family and the house servants along with the maid came to know, but they kept it secret. Everyone seems worried about social prestige. In city my parents couldn’t live with me, but they didn’t want to leave me alone either. After all they cared for me. My father got a distant relative in city, to keep me in his home. Uncle was older than my father, and lived with his wife. His children were settled in another city. Everything for my stay with him was arranged by may father. I was very sad, but was little relieved that, in city, no one will recognise me. I had to attend the doctor every week there. But there was a problem. Aunt said that if he starts living as male, and he became more effeminate with passing months, then it would not be possible for them to convince neighbours. Instead, if I would start living as a girl, according to her, then there would be no problem. If I would recover in the mean time then, obviously I was going to return my town as male. I was dumb founded hearing this. I started weeping. She consoled me and sympathised with me. She was of very good nature. She said, she will take care of me like her own children. My parents were relieved, and agreed to her. My father bought all needful thing for me, and my mother and aunt shopped for me in city. Meanwhile, I was kept indoors in uncle’s house in my male form. My father offered uncle money for keeping me, which he denied. I was going to live as a full time girl in a new city. Emotions washed me, and I was cursing my fate. I was ashamed too.
I sat motionless in a corner of my room. It was in one corner of the house with a balcony. My all childhood memories come to my mind. I longed to relive them. Tears marks were visible on my cheeks in the mirror of the dressing table. My eyes caught on my chest, which was protruding from my shirt. My hairs were boyish, but was silky and there were hardly any visible hair on my body. But my real worry was how I will face my younger brother in a dress, when he visits me later. Also, what if I ever come across any of my school friends in city. Some of them had already shifted to the city with their parents. Even facing my father and uncle would be very difficult. I wished my mother and aunt would return empty handed, or their mind changes, and they let me as my male self. Uncle seemed to be of rude nature. I had met him for first time, and he was very reserved. Spoke very little. I was afraid, how he will treat me after my parents leave. Aunt looked very supportive, I had already started liking her. After 2-3 hours, doorbell rang, and I could recognise the sound of bangles of my mother. My heart raced. I kept sitting motionless, from the sound, I could say that they getting closer. Sound of plastic bags brushing their sarees, I could hear. I was assured, they have not returned empty handed. Soon they placed many bags of purchases on my bed. I was gazing at them with edge of my eye, trying to figure out what all they contained. My mother wiped away my tears and consoled me. Aunt too comforted me. They left for the kitchen and I instantly grabbed the bags to see what’s inside. I could see few jeans, floral tops, something like frock or skirt and blouse, which I didn’t wish to open, and some inner wears. After snacks they planned to change me, and give some lessons to me. I heard aunt telling my mother keep my name Shruti. She announced loudly to my father and uncle that, they would call me Shruti from now. I was peeping through the corner seeing their reaction. My father kept calm, and uncle put little smile. Aunt said, soon we will ready me for them to see. My heart was racing, and I felt ashamed. Aunt and mother entered room, started making light of situation and giving me lessons which I was unmindful. I kept looking down. Aunt said, see, she is already behaving like a good girl. The feminine introduction of me was for the first time. She then said, “now onwards mind your sentences, use feminine ways”. Then she made me repeat to my mother, “main aapkin beti hoon.” (I’m your daughter) three times. This was an embarrassing moment for me. I kept looking down. She looked stern when I initially hesitated do so. I was witnessing her rudeness now. I became afraid, and obeyed her instructions. And when I did, she appreciates me. I was getting irritated by her constant remark, “meri pyari beti Shruti” (my sweet daughter Shruti). I thought, if I had something in my hand, I would hit her, and show my male power, but I was helpless, as I didn’t want to bring any trouble to my parents. I asked my mother not to bring my brother ever there to see me, and she relented. I broke down. In the mean time, they had finished dressing me in a cotton dress, which was light and little above my knees. I was also wearing my first inner garments. The bra straps were tight over my shoulders. I could see my girly self. I was obvious. Aunt started putting kajal which I objected. And he held my face firmly, then started putting them. I relented. I was now more feminine. She arranged my hair. I was 100% girl now. Last thing I feared whether she put a hairband, which I don’t like, luckily she didn’t. I was paraded to my father and uncle. I kept looking down. Aunt pulled my chin up and forced me repeat the sentence I said to my mother. I felt more humiliating now. Felt as I could never again make eye contact with father. With uncle it was no question.
Next day, my parents left. Before leaving, my mother left few instructions to me. She asked me to obey aunty and uncle, as they are helping us in troubled time. She said, it will be tough in start, but you will get used to it slowly. I cried lot when she was leaving. Aunty consoled me. She was taking good care of me. I was completely at unease. The last reliable company to my mother was lost. Simultaneously, I was afraid how uncle and aunt are going to treat me after my parents. I kept myself confined to the room. I was in my old thoughts of my friends, school and cricket. Those memoires were fresh in my mind and I didn’t want to return to my present. After an hour or two, I awoke from my dream by a call I dreaded, “Shruti”. Aunty called loudly. I hesitatingly responded. She was calling me from some time, and was little annoyed she remarked. Next minute, she was polite, “beta, we want to help you, but you will have to cooperate with us. Don’t let neighbours be suspicious about you. Be like a good girl”. She handed me a towel, and few clothes, then asked me to have a shower, and get ready myself, and call her, if I needed any help. I meekly obeyed her, and headed for bathroom. I helped myself into the undergarments and dress. I didn’t want her to scold me again. It was now my hair’s turn. I parted my hair like my male self unconsciously, but soon recalled she had done it other way. I could have corrected it her way, but my male self didn’t want. So I messed my hair, and let it be like that. Aunty came calling in few minutes. She praised me, “lovely beta, you are a good girl, but why have you not combed your hair”. I pretended I didn’t know how to. She seemed happy, ” let me show you, You will soon learn it easy. When your hair grows long in few months, I will teach you different styles”. I was worried now. Is she assuming that I will remain like this forever, and not return to my male self? Has the doctor confirmed them? My heart sank. But what else I could do? It was my fate. I may have to live like this forever.
Aunty brushed my hair, examined for some time, and then pulled out a scissor and started trimming here and there. I kept sitting motionless on the chair, without looking at the mirror. When she was satisfied, she combed my hair in disarranged manner. She put eyeliner, and asked me to apply every day. I nodded. She commanded, “now come out of the room, we will chat in living room”. I too was comfortable, as uncle had gone office by now. She said, “my friends keep coming now and then, and I will introduce you as my niece to them. You just nod, and greet them wearing your smile”. I nodded affirmatively. It was second day in dress, so I was becoming comfortable now. Aunty was sitting next to me on sofa, and occasionally instructing me about do’s and don’ts. She inquired about my school and friends, my extended family, my uncles and aunts. While answering she ensured that, I use feminine vocabulary as if, I was always a girl. She said, “Shruti, a good child don’t bring disrespect to his/her family, and that’s what your parents expect from you too, so you should accept your fate”. Then she broke the news that doctor doesn’t think that, I will ever return to my old self. Tears filled my eyes as my last fear were getting true. I gained courage and asked her, “what about my future aunty? Will I have to live like this forever?” she said, “it’s your fate, and you will slowly get used to it”. And then smilingly said, “you will not remain alone forever, you will go to your husband’s house after your parents will marry you”. I instantly imagined, how I will be in the position of a new bride at her in laws, like one of my youngest aunt, who came our house last year. Now tears trickling down my eyes. Aunty consoled me, and took me to kitchen. She said, “you will help me in kitchen, and that way you will keep yourself busy, and I will have a company too”. I nodded okay.
Days passed, and I was in a routine of my female self. I avoided uncle as much as I could, but aunty would assign me tasks like serving tea, breakfast or handing his clothes. Uncle would not interact, but would gaze at me in some suspicion. It was Monday, and I had just relieved from my daily chores, when aunty announced that, after uncle left for office, we will go to the market.
She pierced my ears at a shop in the neighbourhood. But any how, I persuaded her to not to pierce my nose. I still had feeling that one day, miraculously I would soon return to my male self. Ear piercing is a normal thing but nose would be different. I could see people noticing me, and to my own surprise, I was walking more freely in my feminine way. Maybe the long indoor stay had made me more calm and docile. I was avoiding any contact with passer by in lanes. Aunt was also being protective of me. At home, when uncle returned, I was asked to open the door. He saw my ears, and smiled. He commented, “you are looking beautiful”. And I looked down. Slowly few more weeks passed, and I was being trained in, house keeping and cooking. I was bonding well with aunty. My appearance was getting more feminine, and now I was acting as one. I was not bothered living this way now. One afternoon, as I was busy cooking with aunty, doorbell rang. Unmindfully, I opened the door, and was shocked to see our servant at the door. I was motionless. I stood still there, and he was watching my changed self with curiosity. Aunty intervened, and let him in. His name was Rohit. He was few years older to me, and he and his father worked at our home and shop back in town. I was getting angry at my parents, why they have sent him here? He came carrying my belongings. I feared he would leak my story everywhere in my town. I was back in kitchen leaving aunty to attend him. Aunty called, “Shruti bring him some water”. It was really an embarrassing moment. Now he got to know my female name as well. I had to obey aunt. so I was standing again in front of him, holding tray with the glass. He took all the time inspecting my figure in amaze while taking the glass. I could not meet, my eyes with him. He was the same servant, whom I have been seen from childhood, and I bullied. Today I was standing in front of him helpless, wearing a dress. While keeping the glass back in tray, he intentionally touched my fingers, which were nail polished in bright pink. I returned to kitchen.
Months passed. I was now settled in the house. I was losing hope of ever returning, and had started accepting my fate. More because, I didn’t want my parents to get trouble. I tried my best to keep uncle and aunty happy. I was doing all their works from cooking to housekeeping. I feared any day, if they disown me, how I would return to my home. That was the last thing I never wished, to return in this condition. I had put on some fat. My hips were wider and cleavage became more prominent. There wasn’t any manliness left in me. Hair was short bob cut. It flanked on both side of my face and I liked it, as it curled over my face when I lowered my head to avoid contact with someone. Aunt took active interest in my make-up. She would take me to beauty parlour with her periodically. She also had a bob cut, and got beauty treatments to keep herself beautiful.
One day, aunt got a call from one of her sons, to visit them. She was to go there for 2 weeks. And I was to stay along with uncle. By now I was trained in cooking, and she knew I would take his good care in her absence.
Now I was left alone with uncle. He followed his routine as usual in the morning, and left for office. I assisted him, and after he left, followed my routine work. I watched TV whole afternoon, and bought grocery from nearby store. I also spent time with my mother on phone. I asked her why they sent the servant, he would tell everyone back there, but she assured he won’t. She said, they were planning to visit me with my younger brother. I resisted, but she didn’t listen, and said, “one day, you have to face him. He is your brother, and let him also accept that, he has a sister to take care of”. My other family members were no more interested in me, which also hurt me. They thought me as curse to the family, and avoided me.
It was late by now. I didn’t realise that uncle was late to return. He arrived late, and I suspected something unusual, he was drunk. I was afraid for the reason that, I hadn’t cooked for him by now. He rested himself somehow on sofa, and called me. He asked me to take off his shoes, and help him unbutton his shirt. I hesitatingly obeyed, because I feared him. We didn’t have any long interaction with each other. He asked me to serve dinner. I softly replied that I hadn’t cooked yet. He got angry, and started abusing me. I had never seen him so furious. I became frightened. I said sorry many times, but it didn’t calm him. He threatened me to throw out of the house. I was now tensed. I wished somehow he calm down. Where would I go, if he really did it? How will my parents react? I was more worried about my parents. He got calmed in a while, and ordered food on phone. In the mean time, he asked me to sit near him. He started boasting of himself. He narrated stories of my father with him, and how he has helped him in his business, and how he was helpful to me. He said he would help me in future as well, and I should not worry. He would take care of me. We had dinner together. After dinner, I cleaned the table and he went to his room. I went to serve him water. As I was returning, he held my hand. I stood there, and turned back. He pulled me towards the bed, and motioned me to sit. I sat on the edge. He was constantly looking at my face. Soon he spoke, “Shruti you are a nice girl, you take good care of me. I am sorry for scolding you”. I was relieved. My palm was still in his hand. He repeated that, he too would take care of me. I thought he was finished, so I stood up to go. He pulled me back again. Now I was frightened. He said, “why don’t you sleep here. You won’t feel lonely, and I will also have company.” I smilingly said no, which he took in affirmation saying, “good girl, you never tell me no”. I understood his intention, but I had no other option. I didn’t want to displease him. I said, “uncle let me change my clothes, I will be back.” Aunt had instructed me to sleep only in my nightdress. He was quick, “your aunt is not here, why don’t you explore yourself with her stuff. She is old anyway, her expensive clothes will look better on you”. I said, “but ….”. He had by now pulled me, and planted a kiss on my cheek. I strongly disliked it, and the foul smell from him was too much. I was furious at him, and separated myself from him. He was angry at this. He said, ” you will have to obey me, I have waited so long for this day to come. If you make me happy, I will make your life better, else I will make it miserable”. I never imagined this from him. I was in my thoughts on how to react. He was kissing my hand.
I was totally in his grip now. He was holding me from back, and resting his chin on my shoulder. I didn’t resist. He was as tall as me, and of medium built. If I had resisted, he won’t be able to overpower me. Still, I didn’t, as I was undecided of what to do. I didn’t want him to get angry, but I was not liking his advances either. He tried to lift me to bed but he couldn’t. Anyhow, I managed myself on my feet. He was irked now, he motioned me towards the bed, which I did. To cover his failure he started conversing with me, “you must be feeling lonely. This is good for you too. You will start liking it slowly “. Now I bluntly said, “I am not, and I won’t. Can I go to sleep?” He seemed exhausted, he paused, and said, “OK, but I have a condition, you will have to wear your aunty’s nightie”. I relented. It was a maroon frilled silk sleeveless nightie. I was looking sexy in it. I was now in my room, and I bolted it from inside. Uncle had asked me not to change it till morning. I was now in front of the mirror, puzzled at my figure. I had seen my newly married aunty dressed similarly at my home. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her, and wished I too would get a wife like her someday. But fate has put me in her position. The words of aunty raced through my mind, that my parents would someday marry me off to a man. How embarrassing that life would be, and how I will live a dependent life henceforth? Moreover, if my family members attend the wedding, how I will face them? Above all, my younger brother, whom I have been protecting all his childhood, and bullying him, how can I even look at him? My skin had become softer and fatty. I was looking older of my age.
I woke up with a loud knock on the door. I had bolted it for the first time. I hurriedly got up, and heard uncle shouting at door. It was morning, and I was late in getting up. He scolded me. I said sorry. I realised it was already time for his office, and I hadn’t prepared his breakfast. It seemed he too woke up late. He said, “Look Shruti, you made me late today. I wont be able to go to office. You were supposed to wake me up, as you know your aunty is not here. Neither you have prepared anything. I will complain it to your aunty”. I said sorry again but he didn’t relent. Aunty had specifically instructed me to do her duties as well. I knew she would scold me badly. I wished he calm anyhow, and not complain. I rushed to the kitchen, to prepare tea for him. He too followed me. He stood behind me touching the nightie, which he made me wear last night. He was following me everywhere, which I ignored. He seemed to have calmed down. Chewing his beatles (gutka), which he constantly did. He said, “Shruti, you will have to compensate for what you did, else I will complain to your aunty”. I said, “what”. He replied with a grin on his face, “you will have to be your aunty for the next week”. I didn’t understand, so I asked him again. He said, “Shruti, you will have to behave with me like your aunty does. Like a husband and wife”. I wasn’t liking his words, but was so relieved that, he was no more angry, otherwise, I would be in trouble. So I relented.
By afternoon, I was in a different avatar under uncle’s instructions. I was draped in a blue saree, with matching silk blouse. Aunty had already taught me to how to tie saree, but I never knew that, I would need it so soon. I was going by uncle’s order. Bangles in my both hands. Heavy matching earrings in my newly pierced holes. It was pulling down my ear lobes, and oscillating with my every move. I was not used to it. I was looking totally different, but beautiful. The blouse was little tight, so pressed against my flesh which were overlooking from sides. In my male self I was thin, and athletic, but now I was little fatty and bit oversized from average girls of my age. I was of exact same size as uncle, and looked fatter than him. And I guessed, it was due to saree I was wearing. I could now realise that, why girls hate even little fat on their body. It made them look oversized. It has to do with choice of clothes. Anyway, I was not going to be any match to uncle, or I ever wished to be one. I still cherished in my heart that, one day things will get to normal, and I will then after live as male, and get my freedom back. That I would bring a bride in my home than being sent off myself as a one. But I knew that, chances of latter was becoming more and more, with every passing day. My chest, my hips, voice and skin, they were all moving away from my male self. My current worry was to safeguard my pride, the very body which I strongly disliked which uncle has set his eyes upon. In a way, I was in the same peculiar situation, which many girls faces every day. In saree, I guessed I could pass as much older than my age. It was confirmed, when uncle too remarked, “Shruti you have grown fat, you should keep yourself fit, you look older”. I would not pay any attention to his advice, as I was not yet ready to give up my real self. He interrupted my thoughts, “you keep me happy, I will make your life happy. We will go out today and spend some time, I will take you shopping, you can shop at your will. We will see a movie together and dine outside. You will like it very much. I had long desired to flirt and get back to my past days, but your aunty is no more interested in these things. She has become just a social lady. I have very high hopes from you”. At the end, he seemed serious. I was also starting to pity on him. From my male perspective I found his reasons, justified. Who doesn’t fantasise these things? Given a chance I too would love to take my beautiful girlfriend out. Show off my possession to others. I thought it was a small price to pay for all his favours. By now I had understood that I had no grudge in living as a girl, at an unknown place like this. But I was not sure how I would do the same in front of my people. After all, no one knows of my past here. I told uncle, “I will try my best”. It was the start of our friendship in a way. I was not that repulsive of him, as I was till few minutes back. He got happy and said, “thank you beta” (child). It was emotional, but I was mentally prepared for the role now, and the new found trust. I quickly replied back, “I am not your beta now, I am your girl. Treat me as one”. He was in total admiration, and became happy.
Somehow, I was little relaxed now. Uncle puzzle was solved, I was comfortable with him, and I got a company, which I badly needed. Since we were seldom exchanging words with each other, so there was no more an invisible wall of fear of him was in me. Moreover, I had to adapt to my new self sooner or later. The more later I do, more miseries on my way. I was fun loving by nature, and I was missing those mischiefs and activities in my present ordeal. Although in my wrong body, I would get a chance to express myself now freely.
Uncle was getting ready for the outing, and in the mean time, I thought to put my make-up, which I had hard learnt from aunty. Besides, I had access to aunty’s all make-up kits. I tried my best, and the result was not that bad as I expected. I was taking my time which uncle quipped, “you are following your aunty’s footsteps. She too takes so long to get ready”. I replied, “let me finish, and you will forget aunty forever”. He seemed to like my advances. He said, “hope you stick to your words, and don’t change your mind later. If that happens, I will fill your life with happiness. You will spend your life like a queen”. I was in no mood to relent, “queens days are over, I will be a modern self made woman, and kings will be at my mercy”. I had made my make-up like a mid aged woman, matching with the saree.
We returned home late at night. We went to many places, movie, shopping and dinner. I could not remember when I had spent so much time outside. I enjoyed my freedom today. There were moments, when I completely forgot about my present self and enjoyed. But the constant reminder was my saree, which I was not used to expect in aunty’s trainings. Despite that, I could relate myself to every passing boy of my age. I envied them. I was missing company of my friends. Memories of hanging out with them in market, or playing cricket tournaments in my town in clubs. The praises I would get when I played well. The shots I played to impress the girls of my school. I was missing them badly. On the other hand, boys here in city I found were more sophisticated, hanging mostly with their girlfriends. Thanks to my saree, I was not getting their attention, and I was relieved because, even my own friends would not have recognised me. I was getting attention of shopkeepers and mid aged men. I was least bothered by them. Instead, my eyes followed girls of my age, and the lust of many years of my school life. I could not keep my eyes off them, and at those instants, I would forget my present self. It was a good feeling, though short lived. Uncle tried keeping himself close to me, pretending to protect me from some invisible danger. His real intention was to make others feel that I was with him, and he is in possession of a beautiful lady. He tried to assert through his gestures that, we were a couple. But I guessed there were hardly any takers except few greedy shopkeepers who referred me as “bhabhi ji”. It was unusual for me to expect such remark. I disliked every time he forced me to enter dress shops, as I had no love for them. I wished to shop for trousers and shirts, which I would gracefully wear, if I ever came out of this ordeal. So, I pretended uncle to gift him some clothes of my choice which he readily agreed. I bought few trousers and t shirts of my choice. He seemed happy thinking. I cared for him In exchange, he bought me few extra dresses and materials, despite my reluctance. At the restaurant, he booked a candle light dinner, and led me to the table with his arm around my waist. He seemed to impress upon other people present there. I was for the first time at such a beautiful place. The grandeur and landscape would fill with love, even for the most romantic person. I was amazed. It would have been a lifetime memory, if I got a chance to date a girlfriend at this place. Characteristically, I found most of the lady guests, extremely beautiful and well dressed. I though myself out of the place with my style of clothes. Still, I could see few men ogling at me, which brought some solace to me. Most of the men were no match to their female counterparts. I assumed their wealth did the trick. So was our case too.
By the time we reached home, I was tired to hell. Quickly, I changed over to my usual clothes, and retired to bed. Contrary to my anticipation, I liked the events today. There was a sense of relief mainly because the uncle puzzle was decoded now. I had lived in the house for many days now, with an unknown fear of him. We hardly exchanged words. I used to be worried, whether he liked my presence in the house or not. Now I found that, he sees me more valuable person than his wife in the house. This was going to be good opportunity for me, to get him do things I liked. Don’t know why I was feeling good to have befriended him. Maybe, I was attracted to his affluence. After all, who would not feel happy to befriended a rich guy, even if it was for wrong reasons. Today, I experienced that I was seeing myself as two people, the real me, who want his freedom and the beautiful body, to which uncle was attracted to. I had no objection now with my twin identity. My body could be controlled, but not my soul, I understood. So there was no conflict in this unknown world, where nobody knows of my past. I was deep in my thoughts, to hardly notice uncle laying beside me on my bed. He interrupted, “are you not happy”. I quickly got up, as I wasn’t expecting him here. He too sat up. Soon I was normal recollecting the day, and the relation we had built today. It was the turn of my woman self to tackle the situation. I said, “I thought you would have slept by now. You would have got tired”. He said, “not at all”. I got opportunity, ” you are too fit, even at this age “. He blushed. It was working. I knew his intention. I didn’t wish to get played by him. At the same time I had not to upset him. I had to balance the situation. I made light of situation by asking him, “did you like my company today?” He was at ease now. He was full of praise for me, and my beauty. I was inattentive hatching my next plan. He slowly came closer to me, and motioned to lie down. I said, “I will not be comfortable here with you”. He asked, “why?. I said, “maybe, I need more time. I have just spent a day with you’. He relented, but said, “next week your aunty will come, and we will not find time then.” I said, “but knowing each other is important. It helps build good relation”. I knew he would understand. That is the difference between young and an old man. You just need some logic to convince a gentleman. He said, “so what should we do?” I played my card, “we should go outstation for few days and spend time together knowing each other but…. You have office”. He instantly remarked, “good idea. Office is no issue, my staff will manage it”. I got to know that, he was own the company and not an employee. I was now more content. I always had a liking for travelling to places. Being outdoors. Being able to go to expensive places and experience life. Today’s outing had further fuelled my urge. He seemed ready. I was delighted. He said, “tomorrow morning we will be leaving”. I asked, “where”. He said, “that would be a surprise”. I was very eager. He left for his room. I followed him asking for the place. I got hold of him just outside his room and repeated, “tell me please”. He held me, and turned holding my waist, and rested his chin on my shoulder. I was unmindful of his beard pinching my skin, waiting for the reply. He slowly bit my ears before fussing “Mumbai”. I was elated. I had wished to go there. This would have been great news among my friends, if I had still been in their company, and I would boast them of my tour. But it was now a different situation still my desire was going to be fulfilled. Pointing to my ears he said, “I will buy you there diamond earrings”. I wasn’t interested. I asked, “how many days?” He held me tight now, and said, “till you wish”. I was unmindful of his hold, and his diplomatic answer. I slowly made myself free, and got back to my room bolting it from inside. It was indeed a happy day.
Finally, I had arrived Mumbai. I would say we. I was all excited. The hotel was grand. Uncle had booked a big room. It had a balcony, through which I could see the sky rises. We were on 25th floor. The view was awesome. Uncle asked, “are you happy”. I nodded my head with smile. He was wearing the same t-shirt and trouser, I had purchased last day. He complimented me for my choice. He looked younger and friendly. I had never seen him dressed such. Mine was a silk saree, again in dark brown. It seemed as if, I was going to a party. His taste was old. I thought to myself it would take some time to change his taste. I would have definitely not dressed this way, if I was at my will. I wore aunty’s dark sunglasses most of the time, to give a better look. My appearance was of a newly rich woman, who was carrying all her accessories to show off. But I didn’t want to upset uncle. I had always wondered, why women put on so much make-up even in morning when they go out. Who would pay attention to them? And wondered about the logic behind it. It seemed as if, they were giving proof of them being real woman. But now, I myself was carrying them and looking foolish. I got clear of them, as soon as I entered our hotel room. I was now changed into midi with cold shoulder. I tried to look contemporary. Uncle had no problem with my dress in indoors, but would insist me in saree outdoors. He doesn’t want me to look much younger, I guessed. Anyway, I was going to go out today this way. At the reception uncle had introduced me as his wife. I could see the reaction on the managers face, which was obvious. I blushed. It seemed he was thinking, “were all young men dead that u choose this old fellow”. He seemed extra pleased, when he greeted me, “welcome ma’am have a pleasant stay”. I could notice uncle putting his arm around me, then asserting his possession. I was enjoying all these attentions anyway. I was not used to so much attention in my old self. It feels good when you are at the centre of things. It additionally comes with responsibility, to meet their expectation, and look good every time. I was getting used to the female psychology. I was sure I would again turn those heads on me, when I walk out in this outfit. I was eager to go out soon after lunch, but uncle wasn’t. He wanted an afternoon nap before we set out. I pleaded him with please, but he was not ready. He used my trick over me, “sweety, we should spend more time together to know each other. We will go out in evening.” reluctantly, I got over the bed. He seemed happy. I was half dip in the extra cushion in bed. It was nice feeling. I would enjoy such bed in my childhood. He pulled himself closer to me.
© Shruti Sharma from Crossdressing Tales